She wrote a lot of amazing fan fictions; she's a hell of a writer. But this is definitely my favourite from her, and it is for sure the best My Chemical Romance fan fiction I've ever read. And I've read quite a few. So, I thought I'd share it -again- with the World. Cuz it's awesome, and it deserves to be read.
I woke up to an empty bed the next morning but was soon after attacked in the hallway, outside the bedroom. I'd just finished packing the small amount I'd brought and was opening the door ,while zipping up the bag, when I saw my mother, waiting right where the door had been when it was unopened, her hands on her hips. I was right in the middle of, um, having a talking to with my shampoo for not fitting where I wanted it to fit.
"Oh, for fuck's sake, just fucking fit in there. It's not that fucking hard you moronic piece of fucking shit. I fucking put you in there and you bloody stay the fu- Mom! Good ... morning ..."
Her left eye twitched, reminding me of Mikey, making me miss home. I missed my old life - the one where I could just lounge around in my pijamas all day until the last minute when I simply zipped across to Frank and Mikey's apartment (where I knew everyone would be) to get Gerard to do my makeup for me and then go off for the occasional day of work. That life had lesbian girlfriends who ate my goldfish; evil elevators and stairs; a pair of Way brothers around me at all times both of whom had become my best friends; pizza for dinner every night; and a crush on Frank no one but the darker-haired brother and best friend knew about.
This life had caviar and champagne; press people trying to follow me everywhere even the toilet, (until I told them I had the runs); mine and Frank's mom reminding us how little time was left until The Day ; my Daddy 'accidentally' slipping into most conversations we had that my ex, Danny, was single now and that it's 'not too late, Carrie-bear'; Bert fucking me senseless one day and then avoiding me the next; and, not to mention, Frank now knew how I felt about him.
The last bit scared me because now if Linda or Mom told me how close The Day was I'd feel excited. I wouldn't roll my eyes and shove something in my mouth so it wouldn't be available to answer questions. I'd actually be happy and the annoying butterflies have returned. I think they have a new routine too because I don't remember the stupid bugs being so enthusiastic before.
"... didn't raise you to have a gutter mouth - Carrie, are you even listening to me?!" Mom snapped.
No, of course I'm not.
"Yes, of course I am, Mother. I respect your intelligence and would never ignore what you're saying."
Liar.
She beamed. "I'm a good mother aren't I? I mean, just look at you, I did such a good job at raising you."
Well considering quite a bit of my upbringing was done by that old Hispanic woman who was originally employed to cook for us, yes. What was her name again? Isabella? I liked her, she gave me my first shot of whiskey when I was seven and always drove me to school on her moped. Oh shit, Mom's talking to me, say something relevant.
"Did you get a manicure?"
Her smile disappeared; she sniffed and then started talking about how last night she'd gone wandering to check up on everyone. It wasn't until she said something about me cheating on Frank that I actually gave her my attention. "What?" I exclaimed, trying hard not to laugh. "Why do you think I'm cheating on him?"
"Carrie, I'm forty-"
"Forty nine," I corrected her.
"-not blind, deaf and stupid. I saw the way Bob-"
"Bert."
"- was looking at you last night. He was like a puppy who'd had his favourite toy taken away-"
"Did you just refer to me as a dog toy?"
"-And then what do I find? Frank sleeping by himself, tears running down his cheeks-"
I narrowed my eyes. "Liar, there were no tears."
"Okay, he wasn't crying but he was definitely sleeping alone. Carrie, why are you sleeping in Bo… Bert's bed and not with the man you love?"
You don't like Frank! I thought exasperatedly. This woman is just too much sometimes.
Sighing, I said, "Mom can we not do this now? I haven't had any coffee and you know I can't function properly without my caffeine hit."
This time, she narrowed her eyes. "Fine. We'll finish this discussion over breakfast with everyone there."
I waved my hand in dismissal while still trying to shove the shampoo into my over-stuffed bag with my other.
"Fine, fine."
Frank is such an ass, I found myself thinking at the table, my arms crossed over my chest while I glared at my fiancée. Why did he have to be so... so... perfect?! Now Mom is pretty much glowing with approval for him but looking at my, unbeknownst to her, boyfriend with even more disdain than yesterday. Why did Frank have to wake up early and cook everyone a delicious surprise breakfast? Honestly, men!
Why couldn't he have come down half naked (to Mom and Daddy's disgust and my delight), scratching himself and belching loudly before claiming loudly and in detail how he'd banged my brains out just hours before? That would have been helpful; supportive of my claim that Frank is far from perfection and Bert isn't as bad as my parents think he is.
But no, now in Mom's eyes Frank is a god-like creature and I sleep around.
I love Frank, I really do, but, somehow, things were just easier when Mom and Daddy hated him for even thinking of proposing to me.
"Would you like me to butter your toast for you, baby?"
Huh?! I thought. Have I finally passed Weird and made it into Crazy, talking to myself using pet names?
"Carrie-bear?" Frank prompted and I realized it was him who'd called me 'baby' and not my evil twin.
"No thank you," I forced myself to say nicely, though the look I sent him was anything but sweet and loving.
He gave me a hurt look as he sat back down in the chair next to mine and mouthed 'What did I do?'
I tried to keep my defensive stance but found it collapsing. Dammit, why does he have to be so man-pretty? I sighed and mouthed back 'Don't mind me'.
I pushed his plate towards him when he still looked at me in confusion and simply said "Just eat your egg, sweetie."
"Egg?!" Bert said disgustedly, cradling his cereal. "Do you know, that time Carrie and I-"
I stretched out my leg to cut him off and tried stomping on his foot.
"Ow! Who kicked me?!" Daddy said, finally appearing from behind the newspaper, and looking suspiciously at Bert.
This was horrible and it was only going to get worse when Mom decides to open her big mouth. Sure enough, she did so soon after.
"So B..." She paused to think for an almost unnoticeable second "...Bert? How did you sleep last night?"
I saw the evil look in the eyes of the woman who'd given birth to me but, to Bert, it was just an innocent question. One like 'Are you Bert McCracken from The Used?' or 'Have you fuckedGerard Way
"Uh, sure, it was okay." He saw the way she was looking at him and obviously became worried about why my mother was all of a sudden interested in how he'd slept. "The bed was very soft and comfy. And ... um ...
I found the decorations very ..." He looked at me for help but I was concentrating down at my plate "...nice?"
"I'm glad. Frank, darling- " Here he raised an eyebrow knowing full well Mom's never liked him "- how did you sleep?"
"Erm, fine."
"Oh really?" She looked pointedly at me. "That's interesting."
Daddy was staring at her, confused. "Hannah what the hell is going on?"
"You know John, I don't actually know. Maybe our daughter can help us by saying who she's really seeing. Frank or Bert?"
By the way she didn't have to say anything more than this, I knew they'd discussed this already together because Daddy now looked to want to know nearly as much as Mom. It was as if he'd expected this to come into the conversation.
Rubbing my temples with my forefingers and closing my eyes, I thought, Oh shit, fuck, slut, whore, wanker, JESUS! When I opened my eyes again, I looked across at Frank who was staring at me hopefully. Slowly, I shook my head - no, I had to tell them about Bert finally- and he nodded. I opened my mouth to answer but before I could, Bert said, "Frank. She's with Frank."
I stared at him, surprised he would say that but he looked completely serious. My parents were observing our expressions as we all sat there in silence.
Eventually, Bert pushed back his chair and said quietly as he stood, "Excuse me. I have some packing to finish."
After a moment of hesitation, in which he'd disappeared back up the stairs in, I made to stand up and follow him. But Daddy, surprisingly, was the one to stop me.
"Carrie-bear give him a couple of minutes and then go. I think he really liked you."
I stared at my parents in disbelief. How ... did they... Oh! Oh, just fucking brilliant! "So, um, you two knew, did you?"
Mom nodded while glaring at me. "Why didn't you tell us?" My eyes nearly fell out of my head from the way I was looking at her in incredulity. How could I have? Hi Mom, you remember my fiancée, Frank... Well, this is Bert, my boyfriend??? "We'd understand. Every couple has doubts before they get married. You wanted to find out if Bert was the one for you instead of Frank, the-"
"Yeah, um-" I cut her off only to have her do the same thing to me.
"I'm glad you made the right decision, thought. Bert is a bit ... well, you know," I rolled my eyes as she paused for dramatic effect, "off. Don't you think John?"
Instead of answering his wife's question, my dad looked straight at me. "While you were, uh, testing yours and Frank's relationship, you didn't sleep with Bert, did you?" No, we fucked each other senseless all the time, there's a difference ... Pretending to be disgusted with the thought, I shuddered, and Daddy smiled as I shook my head. "Good, good. Frank will still have the honors on the wedding night."
Frank coughed, spluttered and almost spat out his orange juice. I slammed down my fork and stood up with the explanation, "Bert's had a minute. I'm going up," over my shoulder.
As I climbed the staircase, I shook my head at Mom and Daddy's behavior. They were only so accepting, so ignorant, because they were happy I'd found a soon to be husband. They wanted their baby girl to settle down, get married, have kids and make them proud. Mom wanted me to quit modeling and get a 'respectable job' while Daddy wanted me to go back to sports; no matter what I did to please them, it wouldn't be for me. And, since they couldn't influence me any other way, getting me on the right track to give them grandchildren was most likely looking the most probably thing for them to achieve at the moment.
Yeah right, I thought as I started towards the bedroom I knew Bert would be in, I am not having kids - Stevie and Brad put me right off. Besides, Frank's surname isn't quite right. Wayne Iero doesn't sound as good as Wayne King.
"Carrie, are you going to come in or just listen to me breathe until I stop altogether?" He sung from inside the room.
I grinned slightly as I entered. "How did you-" I stopped smiling when I saw the open suitcase on the bed.
"You're leaving early?"
"Only by a couple of hours. There's not much difference really."
"Well then why don't you leave with Frank and I?"
"I feel like a third wheel, Carrie, the wheel you're not in love with."
"But you're the-"
"No, we're not seeing each other anymore, doll. The only thing you've had eyes for in months is Frank, anyway."
He interrupted me when I opened my mouth in protest. "I know you love him."
I had a million things stored away in my head to reply with at this point but all that came out was, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I'm sorry I've kept you two apart for so long."
"Don't be," I half-heartedly mocked him as I sat down on the edge of the bed in front of him, talking to my hands. "Are you sure you don't want to stay and try for something?"
"Something romantic? All we do is fuck, babe, you should know better than I do that that's not romance. Besides, you like M&Ms and I like Skittles, see the problem?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Is that some kind of really bad metaphor?"
"No, I'm serious! Your colored chocolates are no match for my fruity delights; I'm sorry, but I have to break up with you." He spoke to someone behind my shoulder. "She's all yours."
"What if I don't want her?" Frank's voice asked from the doorway and my mouth dropped open. "I'm kidding. Thanks Bert."
Wow. Maybe Mom's right and I am a dog toy..
"Yeah, no problem. So, since I gave you Carrie, can I be best man? Gerard will kill me but-"
"Okay."
"But Ger-"
"I know."
"Murder-"
"I know."
"Well, you two had been have gotten your act together by then."
Frank grabbed my hands and tugged me to my feet. "Don't worry," he told Bert before kissing me. It was soft and innocent and I didn't want him to stop. But, just when he pulled me closer, we were attacked by a coat hanger and we pulled apart turning to our friend. The friend I have to remember to hate for ruining our moment.
"Oh ew, that nasty," Bert scolded childishly, waving around the piece of wire. "Make little Carries and Frankies elsewhere, maggot festering tadpoles. I have weeks worth of unwashed shirts to cram into that dirty clothes holding device-"
"A suitcase?" I suggested, giggling at him. Frank's arms were snaked around my waist, my back pulled up against his chest, and his chin was resting on my shoulder.
"Do not interrupt me!" He snapped and we could tell by the look on his face that he'd forgotten what he'd been saying. "Anyway, the point is, go be in love in someone else's room, it's sickening. Really." He turned around with a weird-sounding noise and shut his suitcase. Frank pulled away from me and asked his friend, "Bert, man, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I knew being with Carrie was too good to be true. She was yours all along anyway." There was a sound of a car horn (a taxi I'm assuming) and Bert grimaced. "I'm gonna miss you kids-"
"We're older than you," I felt it necessary to remind him.
"Oh you ... you just shut up, bitch. Now come here and hug me bye-bye." I was squeezed to near death and then it was Frank's turn. There was no male awkwardness you'd normally expect to see; they just hugged each other, said goodbye and that was it. "Tell your parents thanks Carrie?"
I nodded.
"Okay then, that's me done. I'll see you two at your wedding, don't be late."
"You're not coming back to the apartment?"
"Nah, I have birth parents and shit I haven't seen for about half a year. They'll be expecting me soon I s'pose,"
"Bye Bert."
"Good luck kids."
"Thanks Bert."
"Well fuck you!" I shouted, storming into his and Mikey's apartment, late at night of that same day. I slammed down the car keys, roughly took off my jacket, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and downed half of it in one large swallow. I choked on its excess, leaned over the counter and regained my composure. I was capping the bottle again when Frank strode in, angry aswell, glaring at me and carrying a box.
"Fuck you harder," he growled back.
"Fuck you longer!"
"Fuck you rougher!"
"Fuck you deeper!" I yelled, right in his face now with my hair falling out of its messy ponytail and my face red. Screw the fact I couldn't exactly fuck him deeper as I didn't have possession of a penis anyway.
"Fuck you better!"
I fought to find a response that would beat that but was coming up short. "Well -"
"Fuck me!" A sleepy Gerard exclaimed as he entered the kitchen from the living area, rubbing his eyes. "What are you two doing?!"
"She is blaming me for a bird being too stupid to fly across a road," Frank accused.
"You ran over a seagull, you wildlife murderer! You're like an axe murderer, except worse, instead of an axe you used a Jeep Cherokee!"
Frank snorted as he shifted the weight of the box onto his other side. "What wildlife? They're disease ridden pests who scavenge people's food and annoy everyone. They aren't even supposed to live so far inland."
I held up my hands and glared at him. "Oh, well aren't you just Mr. Seagull-Know-It-All? What do you want, a white lab coat or some height to wear it on?"
"Whoa, Carrie that was harsh! Enough, you two," Gerard demanded as the two of us glared across the room at the other. "Now, let me get this straight. You're fighting because of a bird that jumped in the way of the car?!"
"It didn't jump in the way," I corrected, "Dipshit ran it down."
"I didn't run it down, I didn't even see the ugly little shit! We took it to the vet, we did all we could!"
"Is that what's in the box?" Gerard asked, gesturing toward it.
"No," Frank answered, "It died on the way to the vet, apparently."
"Gah, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around Frank's middle and hugging him. I smiled when he hugged back. "We're horrible people aren't we? We killed a seagull."
"We're very horrible people," he agreed, kissing the top of my head. "But at least we're horrible people together."
"Yeah, but I'm more horrible. I think I actually called someone a bitch the other day."
Gerard raised his hand. "Um, that was me."
"Oh ... well, you probably deserved it." I turned to Frank as we started walking towards his bedroom. "So we're good?"
I was secretly asking 'I don't have to take the floor?'.
"We're good."
"Good night Gerard," I called absently over my shoulder and Frank did the same as I shut the door.
Turning off the kitchen light and heading for his usual place of sleep, Gerard shook his head and muttered, "I give up."
There was silence and then a yelp, then Gerard shouting, "Oh for fuck's sake, Madonna, get off my couch!"
28
I woke up to an empty bed the next morning but was soon after attacked in the hallway, outside the bedroom. I'd just finished packing the small amount I'd brought and was opening the door ,while zipping up the bag, when I saw my mother, waiting right where the door had been when it was unopened, her hands on her hips. I was right in the middle of, um, having a talking to with my shampoo for not fitting where I wanted it to fit.
"Oh, for fuck's sake, just fucking fit in there. It's not that fucking hard you moronic piece of fucking shit. I fucking put you in there and you bloody stay the fu- Mom! Good ... morning ..."
Her left eye twitched, reminding me of Mikey, making me miss home. I missed my old life - the one where I could just lounge around in my pijamas all day until the last minute when I simply zipped across to Frank and Mikey's apartment (where I knew everyone would be) to get Gerard to do my makeup for me and then go off for the occasional day of work. That life had lesbian girlfriends who ate my goldfish; evil elevators and stairs; a pair of Way brothers around me at all times both of whom had become my best friends; pizza for dinner every night; and a crush on Frank no one but the darker-haired brother and best friend knew about.
This life had caviar and champagne; press people trying to follow me everywhere even the toilet, (until I told them I had the runs); mine and Frank's mom reminding us how little time was left until The Day ; my Daddy 'accidentally' slipping into most conversations we had that my ex, Danny, was single now and that it's 'not too late, Carrie-bear'; Bert fucking me senseless one day and then avoiding me the next; and, not to mention, Frank now knew how I felt about him.
The last bit scared me because now if Linda or Mom told me how close The Day was I'd feel excited. I wouldn't roll my eyes and shove something in my mouth so it wouldn't be available to answer questions. I'd actually be happy and the annoying butterflies have returned. I think they have a new routine too because I don't remember the stupid bugs being so enthusiastic before.
"... didn't raise you to have a gutter mouth - Carrie, are you even listening to me?!" Mom snapped.
No, of course I'm not.
"Yes, of course I am, Mother. I respect your intelligence and would never ignore what you're saying."
Liar.
She beamed. "I'm a good mother aren't I? I mean, just look at you, I did such a good job at raising you."
Well considering quite a bit of my upbringing was done by that old Hispanic woman who was originally employed to cook for us, yes. What was her name again? Isabella? I liked her, she gave me my first shot of whiskey when I was seven and always drove me to school on her moped. Oh shit, Mom's talking to me, say something relevant.
"Did you get a manicure?"
Her smile disappeared; she sniffed and then started talking about how last night she'd gone wandering to check up on everyone. It wasn't until she said something about me cheating on Frank that I actually gave her my attention. "What?" I exclaimed, trying hard not to laugh. "Why do you think I'm cheating on him?"
"Carrie, I'm forty-"
"Forty nine," I corrected her.
"-not blind, deaf and stupid. I saw the way Bob-"
"Bert."
"- was looking at you last night. He was like a puppy who'd had his favourite toy taken away-"
"Did you just refer to me as a dog toy?"
"-And then what do I find? Frank sleeping by himself, tears running down his cheeks-"
I narrowed my eyes. "Liar, there were no tears."
"Okay, he wasn't crying but he was definitely sleeping alone. Carrie, why are you sleeping in Bo… Bert's bed and not with the man you love?"
You don't like Frank! I thought exasperatedly. This woman is just too much sometimes.
Sighing, I said, "Mom can we not do this now? I haven't had any coffee and you know I can't function properly without my caffeine hit."
This time, she narrowed her eyes. "Fine. We'll finish this discussion over breakfast with everyone there."
I waved my hand in dismissal while still trying to shove the shampoo into my over-stuffed bag with my other.
"Fine, fine."
Frank is such an ass, I found myself thinking at the table, my arms crossed over my chest while I glared at my fiancée. Why did he have to be so... so... perfect?! Now Mom is pretty much glowing with approval for him but looking at my, unbeknownst to her, boyfriend with even more disdain than yesterday. Why did Frank have to wake up early and cook everyone a delicious surprise breakfast? Honestly, men!
Why couldn't he have come down half naked (to Mom and Daddy's disgust and my delight), scratching himself and belching loudly before claiming loudly and in detail how he'd banged my brains out just hours before? That would have been helpful; supportive of my claim that Frank is far from perfection and Bert isn't as bad as my parents think he is.
But no, now in Mom's eyes Frank is a god-like creature and I sleep around.
I love Frank, I really do, but, somehow, things were just easier when Mom and Daddy hated him for even thinking of proposing to me.
"Would you like me to butter your toast for you, baby?"
Huh?! I thought. Have I finally passed Weird and made it into Crazy, talking to myself using pet names?
"Carrie-bear?" Frank prompted and I realized it was him who'd called me 'baby' and not my evil twin.
"No thank you," I forced myself to say nicely, though the look I sent him was anything but sweet and loving.
He gave me a hurt look as he sat back down in the chair next to mine and mouthed 'What did I do?'
I tried to keep my defensive stance but found it collapsing. Dammit, why does he have to be so man-pretty? I sighed and mouthed back 'Don't mind me'.
I pushed his plate towards him when he still looked at me in confusion and simply said "Just eat your egg, sweetie."
"Egg?!" Bert said disgustedly, cradling his cereal. "Do you know, that time Carrie and I-"
I stretched out my leg to cut him off and tried stomping on his foot.
"Ow! Who kicked me?!" Daddy said, finally appearing from behind the newspaper, and looking suspiciously at Bert.
This was horrible and it was only going to get worse when Mom decides to open her big mouth. Sure enough, she did so soon after.
"So B..." She paused to think for an almost unnoticeable second "...Bert? How did you sleep last night?"
I saw the evil look in the eyes of the woman who'd given birth to me but, to Bert, it was just an innocent question. One like 'Are you Bert McCracken from The Used?' or 'Have you fucked
"Uh, sure, it was okay." He saw the way she was looking at him and obviously became worried about why my mother was all of a sudden interested in how he'd slept. "The bed was very soft and comfy. And ... um ...
I found the decorations very ..." He looked at me for help but I was concentrating down at my plate "...nice?"
"I'm glad. Frank, darling- " Here he raised an eyebrow knowing full well Mom's never liked him "- how did you sleep?"
"Erm, fine."
"Oh really?" She looked pointedly at me. "That's interesting."
Daddy was staring at her, confused. "Hannah what the hell is going on?"
"You know John, I don't actually know. Maybe our daughter can help us by saying who she's really seeing. Frank or Bert?"
By the way she didn't have to say anything more than this, I knew they'd discussed this already together because Daddy now looked to want to know nearly as much as Mom. It was as if he'd expected this to come into the conversation.
Rubbing my temples with my forefingers and closing my eyes, I thought, Oh shit, fuck, slut, whore, wanker, JESUS! When I opened my eyes again, I looked across at Frank who was staring at me hopefully. Slowly, I shook my head - no, I had to tell them about Bert finally- and he nodded. I opened my mouth to answer but before I could, Bert said, "Frank. She's with Frank."
I stared at him, surprised he would say that but he looked completely serious. My parents were observing our expressions as we all sat there in silence.
Eventually, Bert pushed back his chair and said quietly as he stood, "Excuse me. I have some packing to finish."
After a moment of hesitation, in which he'd disappeared back up the stairs in, I made to stand up and follow him. But Daddy, surprisingly, was the one to stop me.
"Carrie-bear give him a couple of minutes and then go. I think he really liked you."
I stared at my parents in disbelief. How ... did they... Oh! Oh, just fucking brilliant! "So, um, you two knew, did you?"
Mom nodded while glaring at me. "Why didn't you tell us?" My eyes nearly fell out of my head from the way I was looking at her in incredulity. How could I have? Hi Mom, you remember my fiancée, Frank... Well, this is Bert, my boyfriend??? "We'd understand. Every couple has doubts before they get married. You wanted to find out if Bert was the one for you instead of Frank, the-"
"Yeah, um-" I cut her off only to have her do the same thing to me.
"I'm glad you made the right decision, thought. Bert is a bit ... well, you know," I rolled my eyes as she paused for dramatic effect, "off. Don't you think John?"
Instead of answering his wife's question, my dad looked straight at me. "While you were, uh, testing yours and Frank's relationship, you didn't sleep with Bert, did you?" No, we fucked each other senseless all the time, there's a difference ... Pretending to be disgusted with the thought, I shuddered, and Daddy smiled as I shook my head. "Good, good. Frank will still have the honors on the wedding night."
Frank coughed, spluttered and almost spat out his orange juice. I slammed down my fork and stood up with the explanation, "Bert's had a minute. I'm going up," over my shoulder.
As I climbed the staircase, I shook my head at Mom and Daddy's behavior. They were only so accepting, so ignorant, because they were happy I'd found a soon to be husband. They wanted their baby girl to settle down, get married, have kids and make them proud. Mom wanted me to quit modeling and get a 'respectable job' while Daddy wanted me to go back to sports; no matter what I did to please them, it wouldn't be for me. And, since they couldn't influence me any other way, getting me on the right track to give them grandchildren was most likely looking the most probably thing for them to achieve at the moment.
Yeah right, I thought as I started towards the bedroom I knew Bert would be in, I am not having kids - Stevie and Brad put me right off. Besides, Frank's surname isn't quite right. Wayne Iero doesn't sound as good as Wayne King.
"Carrie, are you going to come in or just listen to me breathe until I stop altogether?" He sung from inside the room.
I grinned slightly as I entered. "How did you-" I stopped smiling when I saw the open suitcase on the bed.
"You're leaving early?"
"Only by a couple of hours. There's not much difference really."
"Well then why don't you leave with Frank and I?"
"I feel like a third wheel, Carrie, the wheel you're not in love with."
"But you're the-"
"No, we're not seeing each other anymore, doll. The only thing you've had eyes for in months is Frank, anyway."
He interrupted me when I opened my mouth in protest. "I know you love him."
I had a million things stored away in my head to reply with at this point but all that came out was, "I'm sorry."
"Don't be, I'm sorry I've kept you two apart for so long."
"Don't be," I half-heartedly mocked him as I sat down on the edge of the bed in front of him, talking to my hands. "Are you sure you don't want to stay and try for something?"
"Something romantic? All we do is fuck, babe, you should know better than I do that that's not romance. Besides, you like M&Ms and I like Skittles, see the problem?"
I raised an eyebrow. "Is that some kind of really bad metaphor?"
"No, I'm serious! Your colored chocolates are no match for my fruity delights; I'm sorry, but I have to break up with you." He spoke to someone behind my shoulder. "She's all yours."
"What if I don't want her?" Frank's voice asked from the doorway and my mouth dropped open. "I'm kidding. Thanks Bert."
Wow. Maybe Mom's right and I am a dog toy..
"Yeah, no problem. So, since I gave you Carrie, can I be best man? Gerard will kill me but-"
"Okay."
"But Ger-"
"I know."
"Murder-"
"I know."
"Well, you two had been have gotten your act together by then."
Frank grabbed my hands and tugged me to my feet. "Don't worry," he told Bert before kissing me. It was soft and innocent and I didn't want him to stop. But, just when he pulled me closer, we were attacked by a coat hanger and we pulled apart turning to our friend. The friend I have to remember to hate for ruining our moment.
"Oh ew, that nasty," Bert scolded childishly, waving around the piece of wire. "Make little Carries and Frankies elsewhere, maggot festering tadpoles. I have weeks worth of unwashed shirts to cram into that dirty clothes holding device-"
"A suitcase?" I suggested, giggling at him. Frank's arms were snaked around my waist, my back pulled up against his chest, and his chin was resting on my shoulder.
"Do not interrupt me!" He snapped and we could tell by the look on his face that he'd forgotten what he'd been saying. "Anyway, the point is, go be in love in someone else's room, it's sickening. Really." He turned around with a weird-sounding noise and shut his suitcase. Frank pulled away from me and asked his friend, "Bert, man, are you okay?"
"Yeah, I knew being with Carrie was too good to be true. She was yours all along anyway." There was a sound of a car horn (a taxi I'm assuming) and Bert grimaced. "I'm gonna miss you kids-"
"We're older than you," I felt it necessary to remind him.
"Oh you ... you just shut up, bitch. Now come here and hug me bye-bye." I was squeezed to near death and then it was Frank's turn. There was no male awkwardness you'd normally expect to see; they just hugged each other, said goodbye and that was it. "Tell your parents thanks Carrie?"
I nodded.
"Okay then, that's me done. I'll see you two at your wedding, don't be late."
"You're not coming back to the apartment?"
"Nah, I have birth parents and shit I haven't seen for about half a year. They'll be expecting me soon I s'pose,"
"Bye Bert."
"Good luck kids."
"Thanks Bert."
"Well fuck you!" I shouted, storming into his and Mikey's apartment, late at night of that same day. I slammed down the car keys, roughly took off my jacket, grabbed a bottle of water from the fridge and downed half of it in one large swallow. I choked on its excess, leaned over the counter and regained my composure. I was capping the bottle again when Frank strode in, angry aswell, glaring at me and carrying a box.
"Fuck you harder," he growled back.
"Fuck you longer!"
"Fuck you rougher!"
"Fuck you deeper!" I yelled, right in his face now with my hair falling out of its messy ponytail and my face red. Screw the fact I couldn't exactly fuck him deeper as I didn't have possession of a penis anyway.
"Fuck you better!"
I fought to find a response that would beat that but was coming up short. "Well -"
"Fuck me!" A sleepy Gerard exclaimed as he entered the kitchen from the living area, rubbing his eyes. "What are you two doing?!"
"She is blaming me for a bird being too stupid to fly across a road," Frank accused.
"You ran over a seagull, you wildlife murderer! You're like an axe murderer, except worse, instead of an axe you used a Jeep Cherokee!"
Frank snorted as he shifted the weight of the box onto his other side. "What wildlife? They're disease ridden pests who scavenge people's food and annoy everyone. They aren't even supposed to live so far inland."
I held up my hands and glared at him. "Oh, well aren't you just Mr. Seagull-Know-It-All? What do you want, a white lab coat or some height to wear it on?"
"Whoa, Carrie that was harsh! Enough, you two," Gerard demanded as the two of us glared across the room at the other. "Now, let me get this straight. You're fighting because of a bird that jumped in the way of the car?!"
"It didn't jump in the way," I corrected, "Dipshit ran it down."
"I didn't run it down, I didn't even see the ugly little shit! We took it to the vet, we did all we could!"
"Is that what's in the box?" Gerard asked, gesturing toward it.
"No," Frank answered, "It died on the way to the vet, apparently."
"Gah, I'm sorry!" I exclaimed, wrapping my arms around Frank's middle and hugging him. I smiled when he hugged back. "We're horrible people aren't we? We killed a seagull."
"We're very horrible people," he agreed, kissing the top of my head. "But at least we're horrible people together."
"Yeah, but I'm more horrible. I think I actually called someone a bitch the other day."
Gerard raised his hand. "Um, that was me."
"Oh ... well, you probably deserved it." I turned to Frank as we started walking towards his bedroom. "So we're good?"
I was secretly asking 'I don't have to take the floor?'.
"We're good."
"Good night Gerard," I called absently over my shoulder and Frank did the same as I shut the door.
Turning off the kitchen light and heading for his usual place of sleep, Gerard shook his head and muttered, "I give up."
There was silence and then a yelp, then Gerard shouting, "Oh for fuck's sake, Madonna, get off my couch!"
xo-
~ My Chemical Romance is done. But it can never die. Because it is not a band- it is an idea. ~
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