Heartache

Heartache

I used to think the expression "getting your heart crushed" was an exaggerated one.

I know what you're thinking, 'you're a guy... you'll never understand heart-break'. But I mean, your heart is working perfectly fine, so how can emotional pain become physical pain? How can something hurt so much? Well, it does. I really does. It feels like a thousand knives piercing trough your chest. Trust me, I've been there.

I'm still there.

So screw you and your teenage stereotypes.

Her and I are good friends. More than good friends, we understand each other. And I want her so bad. I'll never know how she really feels about me 'cause I'll never ask, but when we're together it feels like she will never see me as more than a friend. And that's why I never said anything; because I wouldn't dream of stop being friends with her.

But then he came in the picture. And he's a really nice guy, I like him, we get along. It was actually kind of important to him for me to aprove of him. I always thought that was so nice of him. And he seems to care about her so much.

So why does it hurt this much when I see them together? Why do I feel like crying everytime I look at them. Why do I feel like shutting myself out of the World just by the thought of them together? Why does it feel like a giant hand is squeezing my heart to nothing everytime I see a picture of them together?

When is it gonna stop hurting? I just don't wanna hurt anymore. I don't want to feel like this, I want to be able to enjoy her friendship as we were. I want to able to look at him in the eye and not feel this stupid, unjustified jealousy, for no good reason. Because it is not like he took her away from me. I never had her, nor I ever will. Because I would never ever tell, even if he didn't come into the picture.

So, why? I just want to know why? Is there a reason? Will I ever stop feeling this way? Will the heartache ever stop? Will it? Can you tell me?

Emily Blame,

February, 6th, 2017

stay alive, frens |-/