Wednesday, May 03, 2017

"Told You So" - Paramore (Official Video)

ok. i felt it. goosebumps all over. they still got it. they got it. they always did, but they do now. i... fucking speechless. i loved it. first listen.

i said this before (i think) but, Josh who? TAYLOR FUCKING YORK! Josh couldn't have written this in his wildest dreams. yeah, he brought us great stuff, but Taylor, babe... you're one talented boy.

i kinda felt like the verses and the chorus shouldn't work together at first but they totally do. i love that the song starts acapella. i absolutely ADORE the bridge. the fact that they chose to merge the bridge and the last chorus AAAAAHHHH!!! I LOVE EVERYTHING ABOUT THIS SONG!


(except that down-pitch on some words. i understand where it's coming from, conceptually, but i hate it when musicians put effects on the voice when the singer has an incredible voice to begin with. i have issues, there's nothing else to it. it's personal.)

love Hayley's little dance in the car. loved the use of light, loved the aesthetics of the video (thank you very much, Mr. Zac Farro). aaaahhhh aslkdjalskdjalksjdlkajsdlkajsdklasjd !!! YEEEESSSS! I CANNOT WAIT TO HEAR THIS ALBUM!




look at that beautiful boy:

fuck everything else: i need "After Laughter". i need it NOW.

P.S.: i hate change mainly because i have a tough time dealing with it, but i am so super on board with this new sound.

stay alive, frens |-/

Wednesday, April 19, 2017

føur years...

sømetimes quiet is viølent.

i wish i'd been there when all this happened. they've come so far.

stay alive, frens |-/

Paramore - "Hard Times" (Official Music Video)

ok, so... i don't know where this new sound is coming from of where is gonna lead us, but... i mean: how cute is Hayles?

i love her. she's adorable.

i keep listening to the song over and over because i want to like it so desesperately. it's just SO weird. kind of in a good way. but at the same time i feel like if it wasn't because i recognize Hayley's voice a mile away i don't feel it sounds like Paramore.

to me. it doesn't sound like Paramore to me. yet, at least; i don't know! i can't keep up with these kids changing their sound so radically from album to album. well, actually since Josh left... ugh! i hate saying that, i don't miss that fucker, he broke my baby girl's heart and took down Zac with him.

i was getting used to the self-titled sound and now this! i'm not trying to be bitchy, i just wanna listen to a new Paramore song and feel the same way i did when i first listened to "Misery Business" or "Ignorance", even "Now" in all its weirdness gave me goosebumps the first time i listened to it. i wanna feel that thrill, that excitement. honestly, "Hard Times" is not doing that for me right now. it's a good song, i know. i just don't like it that much. i'm not gonna say i love it just because i love the band. and i get that they grew up and change is good and all that, but it's just not doing it for me anymore, and that's kinda sad :(

we got Zac back though! that's good news (:

and Taylor is adorable as ever <3

i loved the video, it's very Bowie. i really like that.

stay alive, frens |-/

Monday, February 06, 2017



I used to think the expression "getting your heart crushed" was an exaggerated one.

I know what you're thinking, 'you're a guy... you'll never understand heart-break'. But I mean, your heart is working perfectly fine, so how can emotional pain become physical pain? How can something hurt so much? Well, it does. I really does. It feels like a thousand knives piercing trough your chest. Trust me, I've been there.

I'm still there.

So screw you and your teenage stereotypes.

Her and I are good friends. More than good friends, we understand each other. And I want her so bad. I'll never know how she really feels about me 'cause I'll never ask, but when we're together it feels like she will never see me as more than a friend. And that's why I never said anything; because I wouldn't dream of stop being friends with her.

But then he came in the picture. And he's a really nice guy, I like him, we get along. It was actually kind of important to him for me to aprove of him. I always thought that was so nice of him. And he seems to care about her so much.

So why does it hurt this much when I see them together? Why do I feel like crying everytime I look at them. Why do I feel like shutting myself out of the World just by the thought of them together? Why does it feel like a giant hand is squeezing my heart to nothing everytime I see a picture of them together?

When is it gonna stop hurting? I just don't wanna hurt anymore. I don't want to feel like this, I want to be able to enjoy her friendship as we were. I want to able to look at him in the eye and not feel this stupid, unjustified jealousy, for no good reason. Because it is not like he took her away from me. I never had her, nor I ever will. Because I would never ever tell, even if he didn't come into the picture.

So, why? I just want to know why? Is there a reason? Will I ever stop feeling this way? Will the heartache ever stop? Will it? Can you tell me?

Emily Blame,
February, 6th, 2017

stay alive, frens |-/

Saturday, February 04, 2017

i've been thinking too much...

... help me: my inner teen has been overthinking the heavydirtysoul music video meanings, and this morning, surfing through twitter i came across to what "TØP Tour Media" (@TOPTourMedia) thoughts were about it and i felt the need to share it:

"Okay, here's my theory on what the video for Heavydirtysoul represents, and how it fits in with the message the Blurryface album give us-

I think it's clear after watching the video, that it represents the vision that Tyler has of wanting to get rid of Blurryface with Blurryface representing his inner demons and problems he faces. And Tyler tries really hard to get rid of them every day but is never 100% successful at it, like the rest of us, you can never quite get rid of them all.

But in the video, he has this grand vision where he is able to defeat Blurryface, and successfully get rid of his problems until the very end, where the video almost starts over again, with him still in the back seat, and Blurryface being the driver which shows that he could not do it, and he is still stuck with a part of him. Like all of us are.

And this ties in with the Blurryface album as a whole, but particularly between Heavydirtysoul and Goner. Here's how-

When you listen to Goner, it ends with the same noise as Heavydirtysoul begins with, representing the cycle of the album and, the Goner vid from five years ago, ends (with the same noise) @ night, whereas Heavydirtysoul starts in the early morning. This gives us the visual explanation that the album has already been telling us for years now- that you can't get rid of him and I think that's something super powerful and relatable to all of us, something that most people won't understand.

THAT is why I love this band. They've never necessarily been one for these 'Hollywood happy endings', but what they do give us are these thoughts, these messages, these feelings that we can bring with us into the real world, and use to defeat our demons, our own insecurities, our own Blurryface. We all have one, and we can never get rid of him entirely, but we can always to our best to keep him down and not let him show. Amen to that |-/"

i think this is just brilliant. my only addition to this theory would be that to me, it's not Blurryface who's driving but Tyler, and Blurryface is constantly tagging along in the backseat (mostly because the guy in the backseat has the make-up that represents Blurryface). and Tyler tries to get rid of him, goes as far as to destroying the car only to find out that Blurryface is still there, because -like "TØP Tour Media" said- we can never get rid of him entirely.

digging too much into the car metaphore, i'd say that the car could represent Tyler as a human being, the driver would be Tyler's mind, and in the backseat there's Blurryface representing his insecurities: as if Tyler had regain control of his life, kicking Blurryface to the back of his mind but  never really getting rid of him completely. that's why at the end of the video it all begins again.

altough i can' quite put my firnger around why Tyler's wearing Blurryface make-up, yet white socks instead of red. it wouldn't be that much of a big deal if it wasn't for the fact that everything Tyler does is never random and it always represents something. it's driving me nuts!

it could mean that Tyler did tame Blurryface -sort of speak- at a point where he's not his full version but a lighter one. like he did defeat his insecurities, he did face the fears Blurryface represented, but that doesn't necessarily mean they've gone away; like, even though he woked them through, they're still a part of him.

i don't know, now i'm just getting creative, trying to understand how Tyler's mind works is very complicated.

but maybe, the fact that when the car falls apart there's no driver and "Blurryface" is able to escape means that Tyler is now ok with his insecurities and they've become a part of him in a way that they do not control him anymore but he's very aware they exist: hence only the black paint is there to represent Blurryface. perhaps that's what joining Josh on the road and the change of outfit in Blurryface means: that the guy singing is not Blurryface, but Tyler embracing his insecurities.


moving on: can we talk about Josh's face at the begining? it's like he sees Tyler come and he looks terrified. but i believe he looks terrified because he's scared he won't be able to help Tyler face his fears and beat his insecurities. i like to think that the fact that Tyler drives by Josh again once his drums are on fire represents their friendship. like in a 'through thick and thin' kinda way. as if, even though Josh doesn't really know how to (or can) help Tyler get rid of Blurryface, he's there for him.

all theories aside: i love how Josh looks back at the car exploding, but i think that has no deep meaning, he was just curious of watching a car blow up, or maybe the explotion scared him a little <3

also: i really love how Tyler moves when he's singing. and i like that that's how he moves in the live shows too. man, i wanna see them live so bad! (side-note: i would've given him a mic)

P.S.: (i don't know if it was deliberately or not but) i like that the video starts almost the same way  the video for "Famous Last Words" ends. i miss MCR so much </3

stay alive, frens |-/

Tuesday, January 10, 2017

am i the only one i know waging my wars behind my face and above my throat?

uff! me puse a leer posts viejos y para qué. mi vida era igual de aburrida, sólo que me gustaba mi carrera. no recuerdo haber estado tan enamorada de la biología, o la "ciencia" como le dicen los mortales (dios! cómo odio esa palabra! "ciencia", no "mortales"). casi que me da un poco de asco leerlo y saber que se supone que se trata de la misma persona. lo más terrible es no saber en qué momento cambió. por qué no me gusta ahora. no recuerdo ese momento en que pensé "estuve equivocada todo este tiempo, esto es una mierda"; como que en mi cerebro siempre fue una caca.

all we are is an isle of flightless birds
we find our worth in giving birth and stuff
we're lining our homes against winding roads
and we think the going is tough
we pick songs to sing, remind us of things that nobody cares about
and honestly we're probably more suicidal than ever now

tal cual, Tyler. tal.y.cual.

en palabras de mi yo del 2013: la vida es una mierda, quiero vivir en un libro, en su defecto en una serie (de preferencia inglesa), en su defecto una película (en idioma original, obvio).

me voy a la chota con esta versión de "Fall Away" en vivo que todos sabemos que es espectacular. estúpido y sensual (y talentoso) Dr. Blum.

tyjø bailando, tho.

stay alive, frens |-/