Chad & Patrick arguing over their Halloween Party (1x04 - "Halloween (Part 1)")
Chad: "I need help! Carving these pumpkins!"
Pat: "Who is that?"
Chad: "It's Marie Antoinette."
Chad: "I'm doing a famous french figures theme this year."
Pat: "I'm hitting the gym..."
Chad: "Well, make sure you wear a condom! And pick me up some gala apples! I thought these golden delicious would look dramatic in the bobbing bucket; they just look dull and... depressing. There's no contrast."
Pat: "Why would I wear a condom at the gym?"
Chad: "Maybe because you're screwing that twink trainer of yours. And I need gourds. I'm going to hang them on the tree out front, spray-paint them, and they're going to be these clever little organic ghosts."
Pat: "You know what? I am."
Chad: "You are what?"
Pat: "Screwing my trainer. You know what else? He's a power bottom. He loves it!"
Chad: "You are what?"
Pat: "Screwing my trainer. You know what else? He's a power bottom. He loves it!"
Chad: "First of all, please remember our agreement: don't ask, don't tell. Secondly, is this crass admission supposed to... hurt me? At this point? With you? I'm bulletproof. And I need some dry ice! Have you picked out a costume yet?"
Pat: "Why are you doing this?"
Chad: "Because there's gonna be a party here in three days?"
Pat: "Why are you doing this?"
Chad: "Because there's gonna be a party here in three days?"
Pat: "This is all bullshit! This is all bullshit! Everything we've become is bullshit! I don't give a shit about carving pumpkins! I want love! I want passion! I want a relationship with a man, not Martha Stewart!"
Chad: "Then leave! Oh, I forgot, you can't because all of your money and mine is in this house that we agreed to flip and make a mint on, and now we can't because the economy is in the shitter."
Chad: "Do you think I like carving twenty pumpkins and getting squash guts under my nails? I am trying here! I'm trying to make this place warm and inviting and spectacular and have this Halloween party shot by Elle-friggin'-Decor, so someone will see it and swoop in and take this place off our hands, and then I can feel free to fall in love with a twenty-five-year-old who has great biceps."
Chad: "So get off my back, carve a goddamn pumpkin, go get a goddamn outfit and man up!"
Pat: "I can't believe this is who we've become. HalloQueens arguing over pumpkins."
xo-
No comments:
Post a Comment